Astray

It dreads to see people striving for their dreams, their passion. They work hard for what they love. Endless amounts of effort. Unafraid of setbacks. Just keep going forth till they reach what they want. It pains to see as I’m still clueless of what I want. What I dream. My passion. I have no answer. It has been devastating to be laying around not knowing where to go or what to do. I’m just sunk into chores at home and fumbling around mum’s business.

People questioning about what I am doing doesn’t make it any better. I’m just making a mockery of myself with no future in sight. “Just take the wheels and go!” But I can’t find my ride yet.

 

Lost dreams went like firing dust

Unknown paths that aren’t built to last

The harsh pressure hits like a bus

With no brakes on; accelerating fast.

I tried to look into my past

To find the passion that I have lost.

Got bewildered by all the flaws

As there’s no plan that’ll ever go forth.

Sinking deeper into my sheets at night

To submerge within my gloomy plight.

Countless thoughts running through my mind

Got me struggling to find a light.

Everything isn’t going quite right

With nothing in hand taking flight.

I’m still trying to find what I like

Before I’m told to take a hike.

Unruly Drink

As a person who takes their work seriously, it is undoubtedly painful to get rejected after all the time and effort spent. Typically, in silence, I dwell and question my capabilities and everything else that could set me up for that rejection. However, physically, I hid all these thoughts carefully with a neutral face. Hence, I drive myself to insobriety to forget about it. Even if it is a temporary solution.

Being a quiet self, I prefer meeting in smaller groups with people I am close to. Although I don’t really speak as much either, but I am comfortable. With all these sadness in mind, I thought I’d meet a couple of friends for a hangout. You could say things did not turn out as planned. Being the first to be there amongst those that was invited, Mr Socialise-er decided to leave me hanging by the bar awkwardly with a bunch of his fellow mates, whom I’ve not known personally. It took a few cigarettes for him to have a quick small chat with me and then back to socialising for him. It is exhausting to watch as the time seems to drag slowly. Well, at least I’ve got my drink…

This short poetry should sum it up.

Spinning thoughts of despair

Wondering if I’ll get there.

To where ain’t finely defined

As it depends on time.

Concrete floor and table tops

With some beer to clear my thoughts.

As it flows down my pipe, 

The intoxication brings delight.

The light dims to blend with the night

Yet the stars that shine don’t seem so bright.

The air stood still with the smoke exhaled

Resembling a cloud that is filled.

Everyone departs with shakes of hands

And there’s not one there that is spared.

Words that exchanged means no care

It’s just a gesture out of good will and that’s that.